Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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