my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
