umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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