I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
