Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
