Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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