You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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