man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's the barista slut.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
