in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
