I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
