he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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