so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
