Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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