Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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