i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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