Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
