Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
