Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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