I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
