so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
