She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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