I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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