i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
