GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His hands were made for my vagina.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
