ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
