tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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