worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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