And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
