um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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