I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize