some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
