we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
