I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
