You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
