how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You smell like stripper and shame
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
