I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
