Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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