Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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