His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
