xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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