when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
