so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
