I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
