she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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