I heard we made out
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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