We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is my gift to your gina
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
