Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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