just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
