why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
