will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
