Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sarcasm needs its own font
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
