I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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