Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
