Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
