cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
