Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
try to milk me bitch
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