that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
