there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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