i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize