I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
