Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
