they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
