My room smells like vodka and shame
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
